The Colonie

I can only please one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

Bob Ackerman is a jawless fish characterized by a toothed, funnel-like sucking mouth.  Lacking paired fins, Ackerman has large eyes, one nostril on the top of the head, and seven gill pores.  He feeds on prey by attaching his mouthparts to the target animal’s body, then using his teeth, he cuts through surface tissues until reaching blood and body fluid. Ackerman will generally not attack humans unless starved.

After dropping out of Stanford Medical School because he couldn’t stand the sight of blood, Brian began pursuing his musical career with the hopes of achieving international stardom. Dismayed after years of struggling to bring his mastery of the xylophone to the masses, he fled the United States for Tibet. After 3 years of travel with a sherpa and a mule, Brian finally came to a realization: the true path to enlightenment and change in society was through advertising! The rest is history.

keywords: billy, sheahan, editor, the colonie, chicago, chrome dome, larger than life, boyish charm, award winning, John Lennon glasses, loud laugh, big lebowski, to have and have not, billytheist, @billysheahan, billysheahan.com, wrong glass sir, B&W, photographer, lose the top, yes that’s perfect, travel, europe, france, paris, writing, author, storytelling, I’m pretty sure that’s legal, oh hello officer, one phone call.

Imported from Detroit and this is what I do.

Tom Pastorelle edits. He loves editing. He loves reducing. Taking an hour and turning it into a minute or 30 seconds. Editing is something Tom does well. But editing is not all Tom does. He also enjoys listening to Swedish pop bands, drinking pints of Belgian ale, and hiking in the desert. But mostly he enjoys editing.

CLASSIFIED

DOSSIER #73645598
REAL NAME: ADAM RYAN PURCELL
Aliases: Smasher, Adam the Goat, El Cazador del Puma

KNOWN INFORMATION: Liver genetically modified to accept and amplify mass quantities of caffeine. Boyhood dog was a golden retriever named “Spot”. Overthrew the government of BLANKBLANK with his Avid.

MISC. INTELLIGENCE:
- Fear of landing in aircraft.
- Suffers from acute Attention Deficit Dis… hey, doesn’t this website look cool?

I wish just once I could see one of our commercials at my mom’s house and not have to find the remote and adjust her set.

“I read most of your email nearly all of the way.”
“Do you want me to get those elements out of storage for you?”
“No baby, those need to be PAL DVDs”
“Where do you need those release masters sent to?”
“Let me see if he’s available that day.”
“I’m not sure I approve of that.”

“I love luxury. And luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence of vulgarity. Vulgarity is the ugliest word in our language. I stay in the game to fight it.” -CoCo Chanel

I think it’s extremely important to uphold the reputation of “loud, sarcastic & inappropriate.”  I think I rank the “Loudest” at The Colonie.  (Or if I’m not #1, maybe I slide into a close 2nd after Billy or Ackerman.)

Anyway… After many years of theater managing, teaching, shooting, editing/assisting and designing, I’m now what you would call a “One Man Graphics Team”.  And in my down time, I enjoy things like live music, iTV, cart wheels and frolicking about grassy knolls.

I’ll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I’ll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
-Boyz II Men

A great cut requires an infusion of love and passion from the editor. Brian always turns to an R&B classic when he needs to get into the mood.

James [jāmz] noun.

1 a love-able, aspiring editor.

2 a wide-eyed, free-spirited young lad.

3 a bombastic theatrical and musical background.

4 a charming southern gentleman.

Synonyms: Jimmy, Jamesey, Gene Kelly

INT. COLONIE TAPE ROOM – DAY

EDITOR I need 200 Blu-Rays, 10 Dbetas and postings of these spots in an hour! And backup and import this 5TB drive of RED footage!

JOSEPH
Easy as pie. I like pie. Keylime.

The editor wipes the sweat off his brow, smiles, and exits.

Lauren began her journey as an assistant editor at The Colonie in 2010. Outside of work, she is an avid artist, music lover and fashion connoisseur.

Online since 1984. Owned a 300b modem. Not Mb. Not Kb. b.

“When I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
Well, Jack Handy said it first, but you get the idea.